I know it sounds cheesy, but I just can’t help the feeling of longing to the past. People are going to go to their own destination, sometimes we have to part to different path. Separation, or even worse, death. There’s no way you could ever be ready for it. I try to be, but I can’t.
In years of growing up, it’s a hell of a process, learning new things. And it’s a surprise for me, when I discover how easy it is in life to part ways with people forever. And it’s also a surprise that sometimes you have to part ways with those you care in your life. That’s why, when you find someone you want to keep around, you do something about it. However, sometimes the fear of losing people along the way is really disturbing. Sometimes, I’m afraid I take my step wrong.
Every time I have to deal with parting ways, even though probably it’s temporary, it’s never been that easy actually. When you think about it, I know you wish you had control of time, at least I do, but I know it against God’s will.
I simply miss some moments, and persons. Just one more time I want to travel back all over again. Just ten more seconds to spend those moments, ten more seconds to be together… is that too much to ask? For ten more seconds, I know it’s worth it.
I still remember very clearly, that moment when I received a text telling my grandma has passed away. I still remember how devastating it was when doctor couldn’t save the life of me and my friend’s dog named Waldo. I still remember how worried I was, leaving Cinno to work while he was pretty sick and later the afternoon my sister in law texted me telling he died that day. I still remember how sucks it was when I have to say goodbye to two of my best friends because they were accepted for work outside the city. I still remember how sad I was when my best buddy had to go and I was standing outside of my house watching the car leaving until it’s gone from my sight. And I still remember how complicated my feeling was, when I had to leave a place where I’ve spent so many times there, and left my lover for the sake of better future.
When you think about the past, there are so many things you can remember. The good times, the bad times, all of them. There were special things that left mark in your heart, in your life. Though you realized you can’t go back to the past, sometimes you still wish for it.
Through all the goodbyes, it wasn’t easy after all. Sometimes, it’s actually hurts. No matter how long it has been, I just realized that… The pain doesn’t go away…you just make room for it.
Well, I wish I had something better to say… something more profound, but I guess I just want to let my feeling go. Not that I have this thought every single second. At the end of the day, like wise man will probably tell me, stay positive, everything is going to be alright.